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Date planning is one of the biggest topics that comes up in the men’s focus groups I work with. Especially with younger men who maybe don’t have a lot of experience showing a woman a nice night out. Because let’s be honest, as men, there are tons of questions that go into asking for the date, planning it, being present in the evening, and gauging just how interested she is in a second date. I know this is the part where I’m supposed to brag about my magic touch with the l

A lot of people crave being in a leadership position because it comes with the connotation of authority. This creates the mistaken impression of control, not just of the outcome, but control over others. And if you have control over others, it limits their ability to hurt you, cause trouble, and you may even get to enjoy doing things “Your Way.” If this is your impression of leadership, then I’d say you're not a real leader at all. Now you might also be wondering why I ch

I’ve been on a health and fitness journey for the last three years, with the deadline for most of my goals being my upcoming 50th birthday. I’ve also learned that it’s the last leg of any journey that’s the hardest, and as a purpose-driven man, I knew I needed an edge to this stretch run. When the chance to partner with SRI Wellness to review Eunoia entered my orbit, I decided to take a closer look. I was running five days a week, pumping iron three days a week, and pushing

I know there’s a lot of bro-speak articles out there talking about how getting in the weight room will make you this soul-smashing Superman all the girls want to have sex with. I’m going to skip all that dry scoop and flex over your high school bully, grind-slop talk. Because honestly, that’s surface-level stuff, and I’m here to authentically roll in the deep with you. The idea of putting fitness before business isn’t about how big flex cashes checks. In fact, most of that.

Smoked pork shoulder is an icon of American barbecue that many try, yet only a few manage to master. People love to debate whether it should be smoked with applewood or hickory. Entire Fourth of July family barbecues have been ruined by arguments about the best type of seasoning rub or what goes best with a pulled pork sandwich. While I recognize these are important topics, I also think there’s something to be said about the technique, technology, and thermal dynamics going

Let’s start this Life Unchained dating advice article with some full disclosure: I am a sobriety advocate. I actively promote the fact that a lifestyle completely free of alcohol and other substances is simply a better, higher-octane way to live. Alcohol used to have a permanent seat in my life. I chose to eliminate it without doctor’s orders, court orders, or family intervention. I looked at the man in the mirror and made the active choice to not just live a life of sobrie

This article might hit some people like a spiritual gut punch, but the truth is, if it does, you probably need a wake-up slap to the face. And I’m giving myself license here to talk with some teeth, because I was once laid low by my own vices, and then turned that life around. The other day, a reel slithered through my feed from a guy whose supposedly a friend of a friend. A touching notepad, some sappy music, and AI poetry talking about how lonely he was. Crying about ho

In October of 1995, my friend Max woke up in the backseat of his Corolla somewhere in the mountains of Southern Utah. The door was dinging, the driver’s seat was empty, and the world was inky black. He eventually found me crying like an unloved child in a rainstorm, trying to piss on a bush at a scenic overlook. The "big brass pair" I’d strutted around with on the flatlands of Minnesota had melted in the mountain cold. Max told me to zip up and get in the car. Then he drove

Traveling solo with a dog can be easy, so long as you plan your exercise stops thoughtfully. Breaking the fourth wall, I thought I’d share with you my itinerary planning for my next road trip on April 25th to Itasca State Park. Including key stops at boat launch, where my golden retriever can swim, and a 6 pm stop at his favorite Buster Dog Park in Brainerd. Traveling Solo with a Dog A trip where I’m traveling solo with a dog is a little bit more challenging than when I’m t

Me looking out at sunrise over Gardiner Valley, Montana before the start of a Yellowstone day hike. I’ll forgive you for hearing the phrase Man of Abundance and immediately picturing some dude driving a sports car, flashing a fancy watch, and wearing designer shades. Hell, I spent over 25 years in marketing helping sell that propped-up illusion. Yet here’s the truth most men don’t want to hear. That version of abundance is hollow. Now that I’m older, wiser, and I underst

My friend Chris, poppin' a flex on his 50th birthday, proving you are never too old to tap into the power of pumping iron. I have been dying to write this article about the power of pumping iron for a long time. A part of me wants to drop all that tough talk about banging the pig iron war drum with cast-iron, pile-driving masculinity until you can feel the testosterone dripping from my fingertips. The internet is full of that stuff already, and most of the guys who write li

Four years ago, Eva and I took our dog Fella on this last great adventure before he lost his long battle with bone cancer. Way out on the point of Michigan’s Keweenaw Peninsula, Eva found this stone and kept it. She remembered a story I told her about Polynesian spirit stones called Po Haku. How some noble families had stones that held the mana (Spirit Energy) of their KaPuna ancestors who watched over the family. She was young and thought that human body heat was a repre

Pushing 50, I’ve spent decades listening to and making the arguments about what proves you’re a good man. So, I thought I’d bring the perspective of a grown-ass man to the conversation, to shed some light on the true measure of a good man. I’ve heard guys talk about how it’s money; if you can pay “Straight Cash Homie” for everything, you’re a good man. Yet I’ve seen tons of these guys cheat on their wives, work long hours, and be total strangers to their kids. I’ve als

Nothing will shock you back to life with more voltage than watching someone you love die. For me, it was my father. Sitting next to his deathbed, listening to him rattle off his regrets, the time he wished he wouldn’t have wasted, and the last wishes he left me with struck a bolt of lightning through the grief that was to come. I call that chapter of my life “The Dark Years.” I won’t bother you with the details, but suffice to say, I was “Existing instead of Living.” Seeing

Thirty years ago, I was standing barefoot in a Zendo looking out at Topanga Canyon, realizing that I suck at Buddhism. I was looking for peace, but all I found was a war with my own ego. I’ve since learned how to forgive myself for my trespasses against the life I wanted to live. I’ve even learned how to forgive the crusty bastard of a Roshi who stuck all those compassionate thoughts into my head. We often think of compassion and forgiveness as this blissed-out experience w

I choose a life of sobriety with my eyes wide open. There are no doctor’s orders, court orders, or family intervention forcing me to abstain from alcohol or any other substances. There’s half a liter of vodka gathering dust above my refrigerator right now. I could pop the cap on it, guzzle it down, and no one would give a damn except the man in the mirror and probably my kid. I don’t go to AA meetings; no one has ever told me they’re proud of me for being sober. As a man

The other day, I was walking into a store with a small group of people, and out of the blue, a guy in his twenties asked me, “How do I get swagger like yours?” He didn’t ask this because of my perfect business casual fashion sense. Without me saying a word, he saw the natural confidence I carry as a middle-aged man who knows his true worth. Always happy to drop a nugget of deep advice, I told him, “I lift weights, I run, I go to therapy, don't eat shit, don't chase, don't s

There’s a difference between going to therapy for an hour and showing up at therapy with emotional courage. To show you what I mean, I’m going to give you some peeks behind the curtain of my own recent experiences with the therapeutic process. There’s some deep vulnerability in what you’re about to read, but if you’re feeling “Stuck” in therapy, I think seeing authentic emotional courage in action might help move your needle. I’ve had multiple therapists over the last for

For a long time now, I've been working on the self-help project called Life Unchained and The Art of Living Deeply. It’s a smattering of core life lessons that I’ve learned through real-world experiences, personal work with therapists and professional work with psychologists and neurologists. The core of it is essentially a treatise on how to un-fuck your life. I'm not offering 90 days to get a new body. There are no promises about being able to improve your sex life, and I

High-intensity interval training (HIIT) cardio has become my new jam. For the better part of four decades, I hated cardio like poison. If you’d told me five years ago that I’d be pushing fifty and love doing cardio, I would’ve laughed in your face. Now, I’m still not a fan of steady-state cardio. I see it as just burning calories for the sake of burning calories, with the increased risk of catabolism compromising muscle mass when you force it into a deep caloric deficit. Ye