Life Unchained: What Is a Man of Abundance
- Eric Beuning
- a few seconds ago
- 9 min read
I’ll forgive you for hearing the phrase Man of Abundance and immediately picturing some dude driving a sports car, flashing a fancy watch, and wearing designer shades. Hell, I spent over 25 years in marketing helping sell that propped-up illusion.
Yet here’s the truth most men don’t want to hear. That version of abundance is hollow.
Now that I’m older, wiser, and I understand the landscape of relationships better, I’ve come to understand that a man of abundance is one of substance. The swagger of his confidence, the content of his character, his sense of self-respect, and the way he treats women are far more potent aphrodisiacs than any bling.
A man of abundance is a man of substance. He respects himself and his emotional sovereignty in a way that attracts the right people without being self-absorbed. He fills the cup of his life until it runneth over to the benefit of those around him. Especially, the partner he’s shares a connection with.
What Is A Man of Abundance?
In life and in relationships, a "Man of Abundance" is someone who operates from a mindset of confidence and high self-worth, as well as the inherent belief that the world is full of opportunities for love and success. He doesn’t act out of fear, desperation, or scarcity.
Prioritizes Respect
Respect in dating or a relationship is a priority for a man of abundance. This includes both maintaining his own sense of self-respect and healthy boundaries as well as respecting his partner. No healthy relationship can be built or maintained without healthy mutual respect.
Those immature music videos telling boys they can treat women like trash only lead to lonely nights. Because the real magic of intimacy between two people requires mutual respect for each other's feelings and standards.
If you're emotionally mature enough for a real relationship, this sounds easy enough. In the early months. Later in the relationship, in the “Power Struggle” phase. A man of abundance takes the high road of mutual respect. He proves the richness of his character by finding and communicating a compromise that suits each of you.
This wealth of maturity in the moment pays compound interest over time. Because with consistent respect, your partner starts to trust that the ideas you put forward best serves you both. This ultimately shortens the power struggle phase.
Confidence
Confidence is a core component in a man of abundance’s personality. I’m talking about the kind of earned confidence that comes from leaning into life’s real challenges.
Yes, I know there are a million internet reels out there talking about how you can fake confidence by keeping your chin up, making eye contact, and all kinds of other social hacks. The truth is, women can see right through that crap every single time. So, when you try to fake confidence, you’re not impressing them. Instead, their nervous system picks you up as a liar or a dude who is hiding something.
Living A Life of Substance
The pursuit of substance and a sense of adventure is at the core of an abundant lifestyle. This is the richness that causes your cup to runneth over for the people you care about, and it also gives you the life experiences you need to build authentic confidence.
There’s always something of value going on in my life. I’m always “Filling time instead of killing time” with petty distractions. Whether I’m weaving through rush-hour traffic or I’m sitting on the couch snuggling with my daughter, or taking a woman on a weekend getaway, I’m always 100% present.
In my quiet moments, there’s also a book I’m reading, a project I’m developing or a new adventure I’m planning. I run, hike, lift weights, and take care of myself in ways that continue to expand not just my health, but my horizons. This rich lifestyle feeds so many of the other facets of an abundant lifestyle.
Generosity
A man of abundance is generous in how he gives his time and attention to others. Especially the women and children he cares about. Because he realizes that for all the ways he can fortify himself, his relationships, his friendships, and his family also fuel him.
When they’re doing better, you’re doing better. When they’re stressed, you’re stressed.
Whatever your brand of abundance is, you have to give something back to the people who matter to you most.
One small example of many, in my romantic style, is how I give flowers to the special woman in my life. I don’t wait until I’m in the doghouse because I screwed something up to give my partner flowers.
I just show up with a bouquet, because I wanted to do something special. Maybe she sent me a text talking about how rough her week was. Sometimes it’s as simple as picking a few wildflowers on the way and slipping them into a vase.
Providing Emotional Safety
One of the greatest things a man of abundance can give to the people around him is a sense of emotional safety. This is true wealth that you can’t fake.
The women and children in your life can sense when you’re off, when you’ve been inconsistent, when your emotions are out of control.
The true measure of an abundant man is the safety he provides. It’s about being a safe harbor that’s powerful enough to handle any storm, but steady enough that your partner can let her guard down and just be in your presence. This is the earned sigh that only comes from being a man who shows up consistently.
Personal Accountability
I have a series of Eric-isms I live my life by, and the first one is “Personal accountability is the high-water mark of a man. Don’t spend your life making low tide excuses.” This shows up in dating and relationships as the ability to admit you were wrong, and then doing what needs to be done to make it right.
Personal accountability is easy to type but can be harder to live in all the little moments of your life. The average dude sitting on the couch usually has a head full of little excuses and shortcuts you've let yourself indulge in. This isn't just limited to ignoring that pile of dishes in the sink. It also applies to how you behave in a relationship and how you treat your partner.
I get it, I've been there. I still have moments where I say something and didn't realize she would take it that way. Personal accountability in dating and relationships isn't about holding yourself to always being perfect. It's about challenging yourself to always try to do better.
It's that moment looking at the man in the mirror and realizing you said the wrong thing. It's that moment when you realize you should've taken her out to listen to music after dinner. Then, stepping up and apologizing, or putting in the effort to get it right the next time.
Avoids Scarcity Mindset
What I'm about to talk about next rides the razor-sharp line of controversial topics. For a man, avoiding a scarcity mindset means not catching a case of "Oneitis."
Now I want to make this clear, I'm not saying that women are disposable or replaceable. In fact, I think they all have their own special and unique inner beauty.
However, a man of abundance doesn't stay hung up on "The one that got away." If it ends, it ends; you process the feelings and take the important lessons from it. It's perfectly fine to take your time healing from the ending. You just can't bring it with you into your next connection.
Believe me, there are some women in my own rearview mirror that still feel like they were "The One." If one or two of them slid into my DMs right now, I'd talk. Yet I don't let myself stay stuck there. I take the good, process the bad, then throw it away, and bring a better version of myself to the next woman I connect with.
Then there's this moment in the new connection where she "Sees" me. It might be me remembering to open the door for her every time, when I forgot a few times with my ex.
Maybe it's her noticing that I check a restaurant in advance to make sure their menu meshes with her allergies or food preferences. Mistakes I made the last time, that I’m getting right this time.
It hurts deep to love someone, only to have the ugly forces of life or the low tides of their mental health tear the connection apart. Yet you can't let yourself stay stuck, hoping they'll realize their mistakes in letting a man of abundance like you go.
It's on them to fix their part, and it's on you to fix your part. Then take the good lessons with you to the next romantic connection you attract into your life.
No Chase Policy: The Litmus Test for a Man of Abundance
Over the last 25 years, I’ve had a “No Chase” policy in relationships. I get to the third or fourth date with a woman I can see myself having serious feelings for. I’ll subtly drop this line like, “I need you to hear me, when I say that I don’t chase. I will show up, I will make an effort, I will always treat you with respect, and I won’t judge you. But I don’t chase.”
Some women will smirk at that, give me a nod like “Pfft… OK, all men chase. Whatever.” But I put it out there as a personal truth, and as the ultimate litmus test of being a man of abundance.
Then there comes this point in the relationship that social psychologists call “The Power Struggle Phase.” When little things like forgetting the toilet seat, that clicking noise your jaw makes when you chew, and whether you two should stay in or go out, suddenly seem like a big deal.
If her ego is in a place where she doesn’t want to “Talk it out,” she’ll try to pull me into a chase dynamic. I’ll see it coming, and I remind her, “I don’t chase.” If she ignores that, the “Chase Attempt” usually begins.
It might be leaving my text on “Read” without replying. She might stop talking about plans we need to make or going out with her friends without me. In an extreme case, withholding sex and even breaking up with me to prove a point have been pulled to try to get me to chase, and give my respect or power away.
They start “Walking” in whatever way they choose to walk. Expecting me to chase. At first, they’ll do the stubborn thing and not look back, expecting me to beg, plead, or write a cute poem.
Eventually, they reach this metaphorical point where they look over their shoulder and think, “Wait, a minute… He isn’t chasing… Where’s Eric?”
I’m still standing at that line where mutual respect, mutual effort, and communication exist. Just how long I stand at that line depends on how long it takes me to heal from the hurt created by them playing a game, or how willing they seem to come back and have a mature conversation.
Yet I don’t stand still. Because the life of a man of abundance is always in motion. A man of abundance is always seeking growth. That might be an adventure, travel, going to therapy, learning a new skill, going back to school, or taking your workouts to the next level.
The Temptation to Chase
Now I’m not saying I have never chased a woman who decided to walk away during the power struggle phase of a relationship.
I want you to hear the gravel in my voice when I say this: “There has never been a time in my life when chasing a relationship has turned out better for me, or for them.”
A truly healthy relationship is one where both of you treat each other like coequal partners. There’s respect, communication, empathy, and emotional courage to set aside ego enough to try to iron out differences.
When you chase them, you’re giving them power over your emotional sovereignty. This leads to leaks in your confidence, your sense of self-worth, and puts you in a constant state of anxiety. A man of abundance knows his worth.
So, while you’re standing at that line of mutual respect, effort, and communication, wondering when that partner who walked away is going to come back. Chances are very good that someone else who is even better for you will show up.
A man of abundance doesn’t chase princesses who try to raise their perceived self-worth by lowering his. A man of abundance attracts queens, who see his richness and want to be a part of his adventure. Then he respects the crown of affection they bring into his life.